Recently Cora, a KidsAwakening subscriber purchased my Inspired Parenting Course, and while doing one of the exercises in the course, began to come up with some new questions about her life.
She sent me an email the other day asking…
“How come I keep attracting liars into my life when I’m a very honest, truthful and trusting person? And why do I keep attracting manipulative, negative behavior from my kids?”
My answer to Cora is based on my understanding of the Law of Attraction as taught through the teachngs of Abraham (you can find out more about Abraham here: www.abraham-hicks.com).
Here’s Cora’s questions:
Cora:
I’ve started reading, doing the exercises and thoroughly enjoying the Inspired Parenting course, it’s so well laid out and organized. My twin boys are already feeling the shift in me.
I have a question though, on something which I never fully managed to understand, and which one of the first exercises in your course, Inspired Parenting has brought up again…and I wonder if you could have some insight.
I am thoroughly honest through and through. I never tell lies, never have, and I never attack people (if I’m upset I take it out on myself). But also, I was (and still am) totally trusting. I don’t even contemplate the possibility that people may be actively lying to me. I still don’t.
My question is, the father of my twins is very dishonest and abusive. So I just don’t understand how could I attract such a liar and manipulator in my life?
Also, I recently found out that a nanny I had always trusted and treated as a sister has been lying, deceiving and subtly manipulating me.
And in addition, coming to the exercise in Inspired Parenting about what three behaviors I am concerned about regarding my children, two were:
Jordan being such a pain with me – screaming so loud, spanking/pinching me, whining.
And Zack manipulating me to hurt me emotionally — and successfully, as he manages to upset me so badly (e.g. saying he wants to stay at home with my live-in rather than coming to my office to meet my friends, when I know for sure that the latter is what he really wants)
Then in the following exercise about the fact that everything in our world is a mirror image of something that is going on inside of us. So how do these behaviors relate to me in some way?
Could there be something, a lesson, I need to learn? And if I don’t learn this lesson, this will keep showing up in my life until I learn it?
But I don’t want the lesson to be that I cannot trust people!!
Really, is it ALWAYS the case that everything in our world is a mirror image of something that is going on inside of us? Or could it also be that we attract something because we have a lesson to learn?
Rhonda:
I understand your question. We often ask ourselves, “How did I attract this? Why am I attracting this situation or these people in my life?”
I will answer you with the level of understanding that I have today…and that is…whatever you focus on you attract more of. So if you are focusing on how dishonest your boyfriend is or was, you will attract more of that into your life.
If you focus on how manipulative your children are…then you will attract more of the same.
If you focus on what a liar your nanny is…you will again…attract more lying into your life.
While it is helpful to look within and just start an inquiry…such as “Where is this coming from? Where am I not-trusting…or where am I manipulative…and just start a gentle asking to the Universe…but according to the teachings of Abraham, this is not necessary.
If it feels good to you to ask those questions, then ask…but Abraham says to just keep focusing on better feeling thoughts. Keep changing your point of attraction until you are thinking of something that makes you feel better.
And if you do begin the inquiry…do so with kindness and patience. There is no rush to find the answers. Just allow the answers to come to you when you are ready to see them.
I used to believe that life on this planet is a classroom and we will keep on experiencing the same things over and over until we “learn the lesson”, but I don’t necessarily believe that anymore.
Instead, I believe it is a matter of what we are focusing on.
It is a matter of “the story we are telling”.
If you keep on telling the story (even though it is a very real story for you, I know) that people around you are dishonest and are lying to you…then that is your focus.
So…can you come up with a new story that you can start telling…that you can live into?
Because what you focus on expands…what you ignore…becomes smaller.
The Law of Attraction says that we attract what we give our attention to. So my simple advice to you would be to start shifting your focus…
Here’s another perspective:
We are not good or bad people or honest or dishonest people attracting this or that into our lives. We are simply people attracting into our lives “whatever we give the most attention to.”
So, what I would say to you is when you find yourself asking these questions “Why am I attracting such negative behavior?” …shift your focus to visualizing your children as you would like them to be.
Shift your focus to something you like or love about them. Think of 10 things you are grateful for about your kids.
And when you find yourself thinking about how mean your ex is or was…try and think of a few things you are grateful for…like, well, he gave me these beautiful children or….I appreciate the good times we had…or….ANYTHING you can think of to be appreciative…or just think about something else if you can’t think of anything good to think about him!
I hope this helps,
Light and Love,
Rhonda
P.S. Also, I wanted to direct you to www.abraham-hicks.com.
These are my teachers about The Law of Attraction. There is a lot of free stuff there and if you go to www.youtube.com and google “esther hicks children” or “abraham hicks children” “abraham hicks parenting” “abraham hicks relationships” you will find a ton of free videos to watch and learn more about The Law of Attraction and parenting or The Law of Attraction and relationships.
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi Rhonda, this seems an enlightened approach. I think it’s because it’s a very practical way of shifting negative energy which. Thanks for sharing.
Hi, my 14 year old nephew who has been living with us for two years since his mum passed, has been acting out lately, not quite dramatically but in terms of honesty. It is very serious as he has lide about his school report. I am very frustrated as I dont have much time during the week to pay attention to my kids but dont understand why there has to be distrust? I am not sure how to handle this or stop it in its tracks…….pla help Rhonda!
Hi Rhonda ~ well said, as usual. You have an amazing way for explaining complicated matters. The focus thing is something I’ve used with my kids also, and shifted it to them when they start the name calling. If they say something mean they must say 5 nice things or 10 nice things back to the person they spoke ill of. I must say at first, the focus on the negative and we spent a lot of time saying “Don’t say that, or don’t be mean to your brother/sister”, now, it’s much nicer in the house because they are focusing on good things in each other. It was tough at first, I had help them find nice things, and one of my favorites was one my son said to his sister “I think you’re lucky because you look like me” – while it wasn’t the nicest, it did come from him and we all laughed.
Funny, once they started focusing on things they liked about each other and saying nice things about one another, the fewer mean things they say.
I love LOA.
I really appreciate the way you describe shifting focus and appreciation. I have continual results using this approach in my life
).
When I was reading Cora’s statement one thing I picked up on right away was the tendency to take out her upset feelings on herself. The old golden rule is in fact true when we realize what we do to another, we do to ourselves, and vice versa. The mirror of relationship perspective is true in this sense. It’s never really about us and them, it’s about our idea of ourselves and what people show us about those ideas in relation to how they interact with us. It doesn’t mean we won’t ever have experiences where we get to set boundaries because that is part of the process, especially for those who have experienced abuse in relationship. It gets easier with practice and as we feel thoroughly that we deserve to be respected and we realize sometimes people are simply operating from their own base of thought and life experience.
The negative energy she is directing at herself may be at the base of attracting such experiences in her outer life. They are signals of what she may be doing to herself with self-doubt, criticism, etc. Self-love, acceptance, honoring her own wants and needs, and doing healing work around those areas may also allow the outer experiences to shift.
This doesn’t mean there’s anything “wrong” with Cora, just that the stuff coming up is there to be healed, worked through, liberated. I also appreciate how you talk about inquiry being gentle. Using a process such as Byron Katie’s The Work http://www.thework.com may assist.
In my experience I found that not much changed until I was willing to shift focus, appreciate, *and* allow the healing of old wounds/beliefs (some I was not fully conscious of in the beginning).
Much Love,
Amy
This is one Abraham-Hicks relationship video I have really benefited from:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VWEuAWjG6do
And an accompanying article I wrote on the subject
http://hubpages.com/hub/How-to-Appreciate-your-Mate
I too am a very honest person and honesty and integrity are the qualities I really value very highly, so I was shocked to discover that my husband and father of our children had been lying to me over an extended time and been having an affair even while I had been envisioning and, I thought, focusing only on his best qualities and the best version of our marriage and family.
But, as I believe in the co-creation of our relationship and the mirror of Law of Attraction, I asked the same question as Cora and, I have to admit that I found that I too was a liar. I lied to myself. It is very hard for a partner or a friend or even an employee to lie to me, if I don’t collude with them by ignoring the little signals my Inner Being sends me in the moment of the lie, in favour of my own desire to believe the illusion they are presenting.
I found it a difficult truth to face, but am so relieved now. By facing it, I am now able to choose a better truth and honour my Inner Being and my intuition in the moment, without having to be in any form of denial about my role.
I also notice that my children reflect back to me qualities within me, and so a part of my vibration, even if I am repressing them and not being willing to own them consciously.
I’ve found using EFT to clear any underlying issues, even if I don’t “know” about them except through the reflections Law of Attraction is giving me helps enough to clear the way to reach for better and better feeling thoughts on the subject, whether my ex or my children, or myself.
It can be kinda hard to move up the emotional guidance scale and focus on better thoughts if you’re not honest with yourself about where you actually are starting from as sometimes the thoughts you focus on can be too far away vibrationally and you “thrown off the wheel” to use another Abraham process.
I see you easily creating a better future where you love yourself, live and speak your truth and create a beautiful family and other honest, loving relationships.
with love and compassion
Hi Bettina,
You have reminded me of something I heard from a Abraham-Hicks CD recently…it’s not necessarily that you are attracting, for example, “neediness” because you are needy yourself. (or attracting lying because you are a liar)
It may be instead, that you are attracting neediness (or lying) because you are noticing all the needy (or lying) people.
I too believe that we create our reality, all of it – so if we have someone who is a liar in our life…then somehow we have attracted that. Not that we are a liar but lying is somehow in our vibration (or our focus).
It’s all about what we are focusing on. We need to be quiet enough to even know what we are focusing on.
And Abraham says, if you are not sure what you are focusing on, don’t worry, it will get bigger.
Yes, I see that my children are mirrors of different aspects of me.
My 13-year-old had a falling out with her best friend and eventually I started to look at myself and saw that I had some issues with my sister and that I was being stubborn. I also saw that I was focusing on the problem – that my daughter is unhappy and sad about her friend (and focusing on the hurt feelings between my sister and I).
So I changed my focus and started to focus on my daughter being happy. I visualize my daughter with her friend having fun – having a great summer. I feel the feelings of how happy I am to see them happy.
Then I do the same for my sister and I. I visualize us happy and laughing and enjoying each other.
My daughter and her friend made up the next day!
But it doesn’t always work out the way we want it. I don’t think it’s necessarily about figuring out how to fix everything or why something happened…but if you follow the teachings of Abraham – it’s about just continuing to choose better feeling thoughts.
I don’t have to analyze WHY things are happening or why things happened anymore. What a relief! I don’t have to analyze the past anymore or the present.
All there is to do is choose better feeling thoughts-as best as I can…minute by minute – or better yet – moment by moment.
What do you think? Have you given up analyzing?