Parenting: Understanding Your Child’s Communication Style

I recently read this really short but fantastic book called “The Law of Connection” by Michael J. Losier.

Reading this book has helped me better understand and communicate with my children, as well as better understand myself.

I took the self-assessment quiz in the book, and to my surprise, I found out that my style of communication is Kinesthetic. I was shocked!

I always assumed I was visual, even though my husband suspected that I was NOT visual. Turns out, he was right!

I had everyone in the family take the quiz and learned that my daughter is Kinesthetic, my son is Auditory and my husband is actually the one who is Visual (that’s probably why he knew that I wasn’t!).

So how can this type of information help you as a parent?

Actually, it can be VERY helpful with any relationship you have: kids, spouses, co-workers and just about anybody you interact with.

But today, we are going to talk about using this information to help us communicate more effectively with our significant others and our children and teenagers.

Here is a brief description of the different communication styles taken from Michael’s book “Law of Connection”….

Page 25
Visual Style People

• See things as pictures
• Memorize by creating visual pictures in their mind
• Learn Quickly
• Get bored easily when they have no plans
• Value time, so they like things to start and end punctually
• Prefer getting the “big picture” rather than the details

Page 27
Commonly Used Phrases for the Visual Style Communicator

• I see what you mean.
• That’s not clear enough.
• Don’t keep me in the dark.
• This is making me see red.
• Just give me the big picture.
• I want to get a new perspective.
• I get the picture.
• I see what you are talking about.
• That’s fuzzy to me.
• Can you clarify?

Page 34
Auditory Style People

• Remember what they hear-word for word
• Learn by listening and often don’t take notes
• Are good storytellers
• Talk to themselves when working or concentrating (You can often hear them making sounds like ahh, hmmm, oooh, umm)

Page 36
Commonly Used Phrases of the Auditory Style Communicator

• Tell me more.
• I hear you loud and clear.
• That rings a bell.
• It was music to my ears.
• It was all double talk.
• Squeal like a pig.
• Tune in/out.
• That clicks for me.
• That resonates with me.

Page 44
Kinesthetic Style People

• Often speak slowly
• Learn best through doing
• Need time to “feel their way” through new information
• May say that they “feel” something is either right or wrong when asked to make a decision
• Have a tendency to take time to “settle into” a new environment or situation or to nest

Page 46
Kinesthetic Style Commonly Used Expressions

• Let’s touch upon this.
• Get comfortable with…
• Walk me through this.
• It just rubs me the wrong way.
• I get the point.
• It feels right to me.
• I’m getting a grasp on this.
• I’ve got a handle on that now.
• This fits.
• That sits well with me.

Page 54
Digital Style People

• Memorize by steps and sequences
• Process information in a methodical, rational, and logical way
• Are very detail oriented
• Have a strong need to make sense of the world around them
• Learn by working things out in their mind
• Need time to process new information

Page 56
Digital Style Commonly Used Expressions

• Without a doubt.
• Word for word.
• Describe in detail.
• Figure it out.
• Make sense of it.
• Pay attention to…
• I know.
• I know what you mean.

I know you may see yourself or your children in more than one of these communication styles, but when anyone takes the quiz in the book, they will score higher in one area – and the author says that is your primary communication style.

How This Helped Me With My Husband
I’d like to give you a few examples of how this information helped me understand and communicate better with my husband and then with my two children (and understand myself better).

The book obviously has a lot more information in it than I have copied here. You will learn more about each communication style in MUCH greater detail if you get the book, which I highly recommend doing.

What I learned about myself by taking the Self-Assessment Questionnaire is that I am a Kinesthetic Communicator, and like I said, my husband is Visual.

Now, my husband and I are not only married, but we also work together, and so I often find that communication, mostly when we’re working together…is soooooooooo NOT easy.

This always confused me. I would often say, it’s like we are speaking two different languages.

Well, guess what? We were!

After reading this book, things started to make sense. One of the problems is that we are communicating with two different communication styles.

I like to focus on one thing at a time. Throw too many details at me and I get overwhelmed. I’m also a very linear thinker and I take things very literally.

My husband usually speaks in generalities because he’s focusing on the big picture, plus he likes to throw a lot of different ideas at me and sort of jump around a lot by going off on a different path or train of thought.

Being Kinesthetic, this can drive me crazy!

Now, I have more patience with my husband when we’re at work because I know that we have different communication styles. So I try to use words that he understands and he tries to explain things in my “language”.

How Did This Information Help Me With My Kids?
Okay, so what about what I’ve learned about my kids and how to better communicate with them?

My Son
Well, it was no surprise that my son is auditory. Music is his passion.

Learning about his communication style helped me use words that resonate more with him when trying to connect with him.

Also, I learned that auditory people usually have a good memory and don’t take a lot of notes and probably don’t study much.

Well, that is my son. Knowing that helped me feel better about his reluctance to study. Yes, he does do well in school.

And yes,  he could probably do better if he studied…but he is pretty confident in his mental abilities.

So…you could say I began to understand him better. Learning about his communication style has helped me allow him to “be” his authentic self and allowed me to just feel good about that. (Notice I used the words “feel good” in the last sentence. Definitely a Kinesthetic thing.)

My Daughter
Finding out that my daughter and I both have Kinesthetic communication styles in common was a happy surprise for me. I figured she was Kinesthetic, but was shocked to learn that I was too!

Her and I are not fast talkers like my son who talks REALLY fast. I used to think she talks like me because she learned it from me…but my son does not talk like me…so there goes that theory. Now, I believe my daughter and I have the same speaking tendencies because we both share the same communication style.

We both also are touchy-feely types, and we both become overwhelmed when we have too many choices or complicated tasks to complete.

Knowing this information helps me be able to understand her if she gets stressed out about something (usually she doesn’t get too stressed out because she’s having too much fun!).

Digital Communication Styles. Know One?

I don’t have anyone in my immediate family who is a Digital Communicator, although I did score high on that as well.

Digital communicators are very structured and organized, and you could say rigid and even stubborn when their plans are interrupted or changed.

Flexibility is not their biggest strength, although you want a digital person on your team to take care of all the details. They’ll do a GREAT job!

I hope you enjoyed this post as much as I enjoyed learning all about communication styles. You can find out more about Michael Losier’s book here.

So what communication style do you think your child is? Write it down below in a post.

Tagged as: Abraham Hicks, attachment parenting, babies, Child, Children, Conscious Parenting, Infants, Kids, kindergarten, Law of Attraction, Michael Losier, newborn, parenthood, Parenting, parenting teens, Positive Parenting, Teenagers, The Secret, toddler, troubled teenager